One of the key determinants of health is the development of supportive network of family and friends. Kinship ties and camaraderie and not among life's optional extras, they're absolutely vital to our contentment and physical well-being. When psychologists at Brigham Young University, London carried out a meta-analysis of the data from 148 earlier long term studies they found that people with a loving family and ample friends lived significantly longer than average. To be precise, they discovered that living in social isolation can be as unhealthy as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day, being an alcoholic or leading the life of a total couch potato. As the leader of the team reported: 'When someone is connected to a group and feels responsibility for other people, that sense of purpose and meaning translates to taking better care of themselves.' A similar conclusion was reached by the famous study carried out in Alameda County, California, when the sickness records of seven thousand residents were carefully monitored over a period of nine years. At the end of this time it was found that unmarried individuals with few friends and no links with a church or outside community group had a death rate from all causes which was two to five times higher than those with a well-developed network of friends. We can jog a long in isolation when all is going well, but when disaster strikes it's then we need the support of family and friends. Nowadays disaster victims are still being offered professional counselling, even though a recent review of fifteen medical trials has shown that this often makes matters worse rather than better, largely because it encourages sufferers to dwell on their misfortunes rather than banish them from their memories and get on with their lives. After a catastrophe, the finest therapy is the love and support of family and friends, people who know us well and are best placed to offer us sympathy, guidance and practical help. In his fascinating autobiography, Des O'Connor, the international comedian/singer tells how his terraced home in the East End of London was totally destroyed in a bombing raid during WW2. His father was away working a night shift in a local factory when the blitzkrieg struck. When he returned home in the early morning he found his wife and two young children standing amid the ruins sobbing uncontrollably, in total bewilderment and shock. His wife moaned: 'We've lost everything'. 'No, Maude', his perennially upbeat father said as he gathered the foursome together in a family huddle, 'we haven't lost everything. We've got the only thing that really matters. We've still got us.'
Families are a wellspring not only of health but also of happiness. Epicurus, the Greek philosopher, spent a lifetime studying the ways of achieving happiness, and came to the conclusion that, 'by far the most important is the acquisition of friends.' This was emphasised at the end of 2006 when a group of English people was asked what had given them the greatest pleasure during their Christmas vacations. Seven per cent said they most enjoyed the time off work; three per cent the food and drink and two per cent the presents. But these minor delights were totally overshadowed by the eighty-six per cent who had not a shadow of a doubt that for them the best thing about Xmas was spending time with their family and friends. These times of togetherness are rarer now that they ever were before. This was shown in a recent survey which revealed that that in any one week over three million British people over the age of sixty-five have no contact whatsoever with a neighbour, friend or family member. This isolation is so distressing in Japan that some older couples, having lost contact with their daughters, are now hiring young actresses to visit them on a Sunday to say 'Hi Mum!, Hi Pop!', since they've lost total contact with their daughters. Divorce is clearly adding to the decline of family ties, with half of all US children now living with only one of their original parents by the time their fifteen. The work pressures experienced by dual career families are another factor making it difficult for parents to enjoy quality time with their children. One large survey revealed that nearly half of children between the ages of 11-15 'hardly ever' speak to their fathers about important topics. Approximately a third of British parents who commute to work now spend more time in their cars than they do with their family and friends. When they get home from school and work, families no longer cluster together around the fire to chat and play games, for central heating makes it possible for everyone to retire to their own rooms and living areas. As a result an increasing number of children are becoming bored and claiming that life is meaningless and not worth living. More than a quarter of British 16-25 year olds, interviewed by the Prince's Trust, said they felt depressed. According to a spokesperson for the Trust: 'Young people tell us that the family is key to their happiness, yet too often we find they don't have this support.'
Two things can be done to cure this malaise. In the first place family members must make an effort to keep in touch and build up a kinship network of intimacy and trust..Hugh Everett, the brilliant quantum physicist, was so absorbed with his battle to unravel the mysterious behaviour of sub-atomic particles that he had scant time to spend with his family. He died at 51 from a massive heart attack, and was discovered by his son Mark, who tried without avail to revive him by subjecting his chest to rhythmic compression. This, he said poignantly afterwards, was the only time he'd had physical contact with his father. The second way of building kinship ties is to revert to the old practice of having family meals. Barrack Obama has confessed that 'Among the many wonderful things about being President, the best is that I get to live above the office and see Michelle and the kids every day....We have dinner every night. It is the thing which sustains me.' That act of breaking bread together is the very essence of companionship, a word derived from the words com pagne meaning 'with bread'.
This re-establishment of close family ties is now one of the major aims of politicians and religious leaders. In Britain, David Cameron has launched a Government initiative to measure wellbeing and happiness. His aim is to focus not just on the bottom line but also on all those things that make life worthwhile. He wants to create a climate in Britain, 'that is more family-friendly and more conducive to the good life.' That's also the goal of Britain's Chief Rabbi, Sir Jonathan Sachs, who in his latest book The Home We Build Together stresses the need to rebuild communities based on the family and home. The family is the basic unit of every peaceful and civilised society, as Sach's observes. 'Cyberspace can't compensate for real space. We benefit from chatting to people face to face. We need to rediscover the idea of the common good and work together to build a home.'
© Donald Norfolk 2011
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